My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
