haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
