So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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