Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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