Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need a beard to bite.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
