i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
