I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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