She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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