i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize