also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My feet surprised me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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