is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
