I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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