I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
