I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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