Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
