I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
