me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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