I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
