Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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