why didn't you poke me back
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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