I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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