soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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