Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
