somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
