fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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