i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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