Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
