in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
