Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
