why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize