I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
