Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
