just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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