Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my being single is dangerous.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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