Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
