im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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