So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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