You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize