I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
