Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
