i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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