Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
