"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize