i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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