I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
