good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
