Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
