I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
