its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
