they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
No subtext here. People are naked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
