You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
