it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
