I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shame - the story of my life.
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