Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
