Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
