I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
