Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
