just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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