We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize