Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
