that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
