Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
