why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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