God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
