she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
