She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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