Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
