I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
