Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
