I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
