no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
