I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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