You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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