i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize