after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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