An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
