I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
