I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
