so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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