just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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