Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize