So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
