I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
