I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
