He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
