Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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