So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
