I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
