why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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