and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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