We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
