Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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