I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to make out with him forever
He? As in you personified your dick?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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