My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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