Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
