U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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