Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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