i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
